The dating delimma of a single mommy

So I woke up feeling some kind of way that I don't mind expressing. I'm stuck in purgatory of dating as a single mom. I for the most part have been a single mother of 3 forever. I wish not go into details of why none of the relationships worked out and i don't feel like I need to as there are tons of other single moms you can ask about why and how come lol. It's typical nowadays. I was married and that didn't work out b/c I cared about having a loving and stable family then just having a family just because it's whats supposed to happen. I have been single without marriage since 2010. I have dated while stationed in Japan but I didn't have my kids so that really doesn't count. The problem i'm running into is how do you date as a single mom. There's always that rock and hard place delima. I'm disecting this as a whole so please don't look at my particular situation (NOSY lol) I am interested in someone and very faithful but I still go through what I am about to express. 1. Everyone says enjoy your life as a single mom grow yourself. Um I am grown, Um I learned and lot, um your not a single mom and your giving me advice, um who likes being alone, honestly. Let's be real your words are encouraging and all but are you in MY situation? Have you been in my situation? Do you know my background. Yes I've grown myself. I've learned a) I can be a supermom and cook clean and wash clothes all day everyday and play with the kids at night b) I can watch spongebob, and Dr. McStuffins with the best of them and actually enjoy them and c) I'm great at braiding hair, kissing boo boos, and coming to every function that is needed to support their school activities. I've grown me as a person. I can be alone and I'm ok with being alone but does that mean that I want to be NOOOO. I need ADULT STIMULATION! I need my girls nights, I need to talk to an ADULT, I need to go out to dinner and have some wine, I need to sit down and read a book that starts with "50 Shades of..._" without being interrupted lol. You get my drift? 2. I can date a man and not bring my kids around. This is smart and not too smart. I have done this before and seen the good and the ugly. I went out with men informed them of my kids and not have them meet my kids. The reason being b/c I don't want me kids to get close to this man and things not working out. What comes of this? Nothing too great. I get close to the man and we hit it off and then when I feel comfortable enough to bring them around my kids reality sets in...OMG she has 3 kids, OMG I have to play daddy, OMG I don't have kids IDK how to do all of this. Then I go sending them off with a kick to the rear and a wave goodbye. 3. Having them meet the kids right off the bat. These guys are the ones that love kids and are the playful type. The kids enjoy them, you all have family time and things are great. These are usually the guys that you aren't interested in b/c a)they are yound minded and don't know how to be in a relationship b)they are trying to hard to show you they are good father figures that they forget the 'I'm in a relationship and need to be a boyfriend too" aspect. 4."Exception to the rule" The all around great guy. He treats you like a queen, he treats the kids like princes and princess. He buys gifts, pays bills, washes your dishes, cooks and cleans, cuddly and magical and mythical lol. This is the guy I RUN FROM fast as lightening. Why is that?! It's the O SHIT factor. O SHIT everything I want in a man, O SHIT someone is gonna take care of me and my kdis, O SHIT what do I do i'm not used to this. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. This is where i'm at with the single mom and dating thing. I'm loooking for comments, answers, advice anything lol. Am I the only one that experiences this? Please spare me the " Take this time to work on yourself, and the right one is gonna come along speech. " I've heard it all BE REAL WITH ME. If you are a single mom and found the right one did you have this problem and what did you do?

Japan :(

So here I am relaxing in my room thinking everything is all good. I look into some websites and realize posts of people talking about a horrible earthquake on Mainland. I am stationed on Okinawa but we are an island and Mainland is a few thousand miles away. People were on Facebook that I knew were in Tokyo talking about how they lost their husbands and wanted to know if other family members was ok. Tokyo definately felt the wrath but not as much as northern Japan. I soon here of the Tsunami that wiped out almost all of the norther part of Japan. The reality kicked in that this was serious! The earthquake was a 8.9 and truly devestated Japan. On top of this the nucleur power plant is leaking radiation like crazy.

Immediately I think OMG what if Okinwa were to have an earthquake and tsunami of this strength! Our island would be completely wiped us. My selfishness kicks in and I think whew glad it wasn't me. My assitant Pastor spoke on this on Sunday. One of the things he said is what kind of witness were we being for others. In that moment I realized that my relief of my life was devesating to those that lost. There was a story of an older gentleman that went back after the earthquake just to get a photo album of his grandkids and the tsunami hit. They found his body pressed in between two walls with the photo album pressed against his chest.

How selfish I had been. The world does not need my selfishness it needs my prayers. Let us remember that others are hurting. Am I happy God spared me, yes I am, but let me do what's right and Christian and offer a prayer up to those that lost their lives and those that were spared that are struggling to live day to day without a home and clean water.



Lord,
You are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.With a heavy heart I come to you with a prayer of peace for those that have lost loved ones in these horrible weeks. We know that you love your childrena and continue to cover us with that love. We know that these things were foretold, let us be good examples so that we can be in the right place in our Christian walks because we do not know when our time will come. Bless those who are out there right now helping aid the Japanese people. Give them strength for the things that they might see and strength to continue with the mission. Lord allow the people to remember that you too have lost a Son and know how it feels to lose and you are there experiencing this with us. We love you Lord and we know your will heal all wounds. Send the Holy Spirit to those hurting as a comforter.

This we pray in Jesus name Amen

God, My Valentine

Happy Valentines Day I guess,

So I just got into a heated discussion about why people don't celebrate valentines day. Ok it was me and my boyfriend arguing on why he doesn't celebrate it. His arguement, why spend one day to show someone you care. My arguement, you never show me on a daily basis that you care anyways!!! You say it all the time but action speaks louder then words! I am so upset right now and fighting back tears, after all I've been crying for like 1 hour already. He's on this SF assignment so I don't see him except to go to bed at night and when he wakes up at the crack of dawn to go to SF. So all week I don't see him and today is his only day off and we argue. I figure today we could celebrate Vday which brought up the discussion, after all he will be in the field for 3 days and not coming home-to include Vday! I was totally let down. I feel like he didn't miss me while he was gone, which he admits, and on top of that he thinks Vday is stupid so I don't get my Vday!
     The question I ask now is why do we put so much importance on Vday anyways? It was tradition with me and my family, we celebrate all holidays. Is it because we get gifts and are told we are loved on that day. God once again being the wonderful Father he is shined a light on me. For one, why am I seeking love in man. Man's love is conditional, God's love is unconditional. I'm looking for something that is right in front of my face! I want reassurance from my boyfriend that he loves me and he says he does but really where are the actions. So I figured that valentines would be the perfect time for that, and he DOESN'T EVEN CELEBRATE IT!!

God told me he can solve both my problems in one breath. 1. My daughter I will be your valentine. 2. I will always love you inspite of your mistakes, you'll never have to question that!

I love the Lord and will always put him first. Man has NOTHING on God and never will! <3

My dream and God's Salvation

We did a Bible study in the barracks and my lil Sis Brittany talked on Salvation. Well last night I had a horrible dream about my boyfriend and I, seems off topic but bare with me. Me and my O so wonderful boyfriend were dating and were they happiest of people. Well one day I decided to go out with the girls and drink. I went out with them but didn't enjoy it at all so I went home to my man. As I walked in the door he was packing his things. He found out about some things that I had been doing, not cheating but was mistaken as that. He said it was over. In my dream I was horrified!!! I begged and asked why but he wasn't bugging it was over and that was it. He walks out the door and I feel an incredible sadness. The next day he comes and knocks on my door and asks what I'm doing today, I was ecstatic thinking everything was ok. I asked and he said no we are just friends. I was like no I can't be your friend, like the old Deborah Cox song says we can't be friends cause I'm still in love with youuuu. ::Singing:: He continued to insist that that was all we were going to be. He continued to say that I didn't build a relationship with him cause all I did was go out. He said all I wanted was the title relationship. END DREAM HERE Well I woke up to his kiss and telling me goodbye (he had to work today) but boy was I pissed and sad at the same time. You know how you feel your dreams when you wake up :).
     I was like ok God what was that about? I took from it that God Salvation is free but like the Bible says you just saying that Jesus died on the cross and accepting Christ and the truth is NOT enough. It's like you just did it to get to Heaven but you must know God and obey his Word! God had a part in it and we have a part in it. Think on this God's part: Grace and Mercy, Jesus death at the cross, Resurrection of Jesus Christ, and God's Word. Our Part: Hear and learn God's Word- BIBLE-Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth, Have Faith- saving faith is what you should have-Saving Faith- conviction and trust in Jesus that makes you want to obey God, Repent, Obedience, Confession of Christ, Baptism, Faithfulness and Endurance- NOONE said that once you become a Christian it will be easy. It actually becomes harder but guess what we have the bigger reward and you have Christ that has your back! The last thing needed is Church Membership! You need other Christians to strengthen you up when you feel week.
     I learned from my dream that my man wanted me to spend time with him and not just be a title. God wants us back in that same way! He wants more then just you to say John 3;16 he wants you to believe, act, and spend time with him. Build a relationship with Christ and spread the word so others can share in your joy!