Jan 20, 2013

The dating delimma of a single mommy

So I woke up feeling some kind of way that I don't mind expressing. I'm stuck in purgatory of dating as a single mom. I for the most part have been a single mother of 3 forever. I wish not go into details of why none of the relationships worked out and i don't feel like I need to as there are tons of other single moms you can ask about why and how come lol. It's typical nowadays. I was married and that didn't work out b/c I cared about having a loving and stable family then just having a family just because it's whats supposed to happen. I have been single without marriage since 2010. I have dated while stationed in Japan but I didn't have my kids so that really doesn't count. The problem i'm running into is how do you date as a single mom. There's always that rock and hard place delima. I'm disecting this as a whole so please don't look at my particular situation (NOSY lol) I am interested in someone and very faithful but I still go through what I am about to express. 1. Everyone says enjoy your life as a single mom grow yourself. Um I am grown, Um I learned and lot, um your not a single mom and your giving me advice, um who likes being alone, honestly. Let's be real your words are encouraging and all but are you in MY situation? Have you been in my situation? Do you know my background. Yes I've grown myself. I've learned a) I can be a supermom and cook clean and wash clothes all day everyday and play with the kids at night b) I can watch spongebob, and Dr. McStuffins with the best of them and actually enjoy them and c) I'm great at braiding hair, kissing boo boos, and coming to every function that is needed to support their school activities. I've grown me as a person. I can be alone and I'm ok with being alone but does that mean that I want to be NOOOO. I need ADULT STIMULATION! I need my girls nights, I need to talk to an ADULT, I need to go out to dinner and have some wine, I need to sit down and read a book that starts with "50 Shades of..._" without being interrupted lol. You get my drift? 2. I can date a man and not bring my kids around. This is smart and not too smart. I have done this before and seen the good and the ugly. I went out with men informed them of my kids and not have them meet my kids. The reason being b/c I don't want me kids to get close to this man and things not working out. What comes of this? Nothing too great. I get close to the man and we hit it off and then when I feel comfortable enough to bring them around my kids reality sets in...OMG she has 3 kids, OMG I have to play daddy, OMG I don't have kids IDK how to do all of this. Then I go sending them off with a kick to the rear and a wave goodbye. 3. Having them meet the kids right off the bat. These guys are the ones that love kids and are the playful type. The kids enjoy them, you all have family time and things are great. These are usually the guys that you aren't interested in b/c a)they are yound minded and don't know how to be in a relationship b)they are trying to hard to show you they are good father figures that they forget the 'I'm in a relationship and need to be a boyfriend too" aspect. 4."Exception to the rule" The all around great guy. He treats you like a queen, he treats the kids like princes and princess. He buys gifts, pays bills, washes your dishes, cooks and cleans, cuddly and magical and mythical lol. This is the guy I RUN FROM fast as lightening. Why is that?! It's the O SHIT factor. O SHIT everything I want in a man, O SHIT someone is gonna take care of me and my kdis, O SHIT what do I do i'm not used to this. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. This is where i'm at with the single mom and dating thing. I'm loooking for comments, answers, advice anything lol. Am I the only one that experiences this? Please spare me the " Take this time to work on yourself, and the right one is gonna come along speech. " I've heard it all BE REAL WITH ME. If you are a single mom and found the right one did you have this problem and what did you do?

Jan 13, 2013

Sometimes people just want to talk...

So I'm sitting here on 24 hour duty and I'm realizing that sometimes people just want to talk...every person wants to say something or be heard. People walked in and out of the building and I would greet them with a hello, how are you, or a nod and maybe I'm just super approachable but they had lots to say. I'm just getting to this base so I guess maybe some of them felt that I needed to know all about the base, the people, the unit, etc. Well for me personally I don't care to hear it...Mean, maybe but true. I oblige them though because I realize some people just want to talk. Conversation first starts like this..."SGT Griffin do you like it here so far?" "Yea it's cool" I say. Then I get the eye roll and the look of :"you ain't gonna like it for long":.. Now let's break this down. 1) are you really caring if I like it here or is it just killing you inside to spill all the juicy gossip and news to me 2) I'm a nice person so when they initially approach me I am seeing if they actually care if I like the place with no background intentions but like I said some people just want to talk.

After I tell them what I think, which is positive always, they usually bounce back with a negative. Like I said really I shut up and listen BC I know they just want to talI, vent, and be heard...Out comes the gossip, back biting, negativity, and straight bull... I'm listening...listening...listening...and then I ask them "what is it that you are doing to change YOUR experience here." Now that question throws them off guard. The look of surprise and sheer death comes over their face...they are probably sitting there like "hunh?", "why is she asking that" in my mind I'm thinking of me and how I am... 1) I'm a positive person PERIOD 2) I feel life is what you make it, where you are is what you make it. And 3) what have you done wrong to not like this place ; but people like to talk so I shush and wait for an answer...waiting...waiting...still waiting...I get nothing...

The point I'm trying to make is people just want to talk. They all have motives it's either to drag you down, help you out (all though help usually is a positive thing they seen to do it negatively), or persuade you. Don't let people talking transform you and your opinion. Hold your ground and ask that confusing question that has them stiff in their seats. Most importantly remember sometimes people just want to talk... :-)