Jan 20, 2013

The dating delimma of a single mommy

So I woke up feeling some kind of way that I don't mind expressing. I'm stuck in purgatory of dating as a single mom. I for the most part have been a single mother of 3 forever. I wish not go into details of why none of the relationships worked out and i don't feel like I need to as there are tons of other single moms you can ask about why and how come lol. It's typical nowadays. I was married and that didn't work out b/c I cared about having a loving and stable family then just having a family just because it's whats supposed to happen. I have been single without marriage since 2010. I have dated while stationed in Japan but I didn't have my kids so that really doesn't count. The problem i'm running into is how do you date as a single mom. There's always that rock and hard place delima. I'm disecting this as a whole so please don't look at my particular situation (NOSY lol) I am interested in someone and very faithful but I still go through what I am about to express. 1. Everyone says enjoy your life as a single mom grow yourself. Um I am grown, Um I learned and lot, um your not a single mom and your giving me advice, um who likes being alone, honestly. Let's be real your words are encouraging and all but are you in MY situation? Have you been in my situation? Do you know my background. Yes I've grown myself. I've learned a) I can be a supermom and cook clean and wash clothes all day everyday and play with the kids at night b) I can watch spongebob, and Dr. McStuffins with the best of them and actually enjoy them and c) I'm great at braiding hair, kissing boo boos, and coming to every function that is needed to support their school activities. I've grown me as a person. I can be alone and I'm ok with being alone but does that mean that I want to be NOOOO. I need ADULT STIMULATION! I need my girls nights, I need to talk to an ADULT, I need to go out to dinner and have some wine, I need to sit down and read a book that starts with "50 Shades of..._" without being interrupted lol. You get my drift? 2. I can date a man and not bring my kids around. This is smart and not too smart. I have done this before and seen the good and the ugly. I went out with men informed them of my kids and not have them meet my kids. The reason being b/c I don't want me kids to get close to this man and things not working out. What comes of this? Nothing too great. I get close to the man and we hit it off and then when I feel comfortable enough to bring them around my kids reality sets in...OMG she has 3 kids, OMG I have to play daddy, OMG I don't have kids IDK how to do all of this. Then I go sending them off with a kick to the rear and a wave goodbye. 3. Having them meet the kids right off the bat. These guys are the ones that love kids and are the playful type. The kids enjoy them, you all have family time and things are great. These are usually the guys that you aren't interested in b/c a)they are yound minded and don't know how to be in a relationship b)they are trying to hard to show you they are good father figures that they forget the 'I'm in a relationship and need to be a boyfriend too" aspect. 4."Exception to the rule" The all around great guy. He treats you like a queen, he treats the kids like princes and princess. He buys gifts, pays bills, washes your dishes, cooks and cleans, cuddly and magical and mythical lol. This is the guy I RUN FROM fast as lightening. Why is that?! It's the O SHIT factor. O SHIT everything I want in a man, O SHIT someone is gonna take care of me and my kdis, O SHIT what do I do i'm not used to this. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. This is where i'm at with the single mom and dating thing. I'm loooking for comments, answers, advice anything lol. Am I the only one that experiences this? Please spare me the " Take this time to work on yourself, and the right one is gonna come along speech. " I've heard it all BE REAL WITH ME. If you are a single mom and found the right one did you have this problem and what did you do?

Jan 13, 2013

Sometimes people just want to talk...

So I'm sitting here on 24 hour duty and I'm realizing that sometimes people just want to talk...every person wants to say something or be heard. People walked in and out of the building and I would greet them with a hello, how are you, or a nod and maybe I'm just super approachable but they had lots to say. I'm just getting to this base so I guess maybe some of them felt that I needed to know all about the base, the people, the unit, etc. Well for me personally I don't care to hear it...Mean, maybe but true. I oblige them though because I realize some people just want to talk. Conversation first starts like this..."SGT Griffin do you like it here so far?" "Yea it's cool" I say. Then I get the eye roll and the look of :"you ain't gonna like it for long":.. Now let's break this down. 1) are you really caring if I like it here or is it just killing you inside to spill all the juicy gossip and news to me 2) I'm a nice person so when they initially approach me I am seeing if they actually care if I like the place with no background intentions but like I said some people just want to talk.

After I tell them what I think, which is positive always, they usually bounce back with a negative. Like I said really I shut up and listen BC I know they just want to talI, vent, and be heard...Out comes the gossip, back biting, negativity, and straight bull... I'm listening...listening...listening...and then I ask them "what is it that you are doing to change YOUR experience here." Now that question throws them off guard. The look of surprise and sheer death comes over their face...they are probably sitting there like "hunh?", "why is she asking that" in my mind I'm thinking of me and how I am... 1) I'm a positive person PERIOD 2) I feel life is what you make it, where you are is what you make it. And 3) what have you done wrong to not like this place ; but people like to talk so I shush and wait for an answer...waiting...waiting...still waiting...I get nothing...

The point I'm trying to make is people just want to talk. They all have motives it's either to drag you down, help you out (all though help usually is a positive thing they seen to do it negatively), or persuade you. Don't let people talking transform you and your opinion. Hold your ground and ask that confusing question that has them stiff in their seats. Most importantly remember sometimes people just want to talk... :-)

Apr 24, 2011

God will bless!

I am overly excited at what God has done for me. Just for being obedient. He told me to have faith and strength in Him and do some things/ not do some things. At first it was hard but I kept the faith and God pulled through as always!

One of the big things was realizing that my body is God's temple! I can't just put anything into it and definately cannot do what I want with it. The more junk I filled into myself the harder and harder it was to hear from God!. I just got to a point in my life when I was fed up! with it all! I was like life cannot be this hard! The truth is it isn't if you are obedient. We will have our tests and trials but can withstand anything because we are tested but there is nothing that is put on us that we cannot handle through Christ...

I was in my Hotel TDY and was eating my eggs looking outside the window and it hit me GOD has freed me! He has blessed me beyond what I thought I deserved.

Bottom line God loves us and He will always come through! What He promises He WILL deliver. Never doubt have Faith and stand strong and God will deliver. The word says that we will see our reward in the end if we press forward and faint not...

Apr 14, 2011

You are not your own

As I type this I pray that everyone recieves with an open heart and open mind free from judgement. There is something that I DID NOT want to reveal in here but GOD says it's a message and should be heard.

I was a very permiscuous woman up until now. I know big shocker. I'll start from the beginning. As I am leaving a guys room I'm thinking God how has it gotten to this point. Man after man after man is this really how love is supposed to go? NO it's not. On my drive home I felt guiltier and guiltier and guiltier (I know spelling is all wrong and this is probably not even a word). I would have sex with a man pray to God for forgiveness then move on thinking. Ok God forgave me I'm free to continue on with my sexual sin b/c I know He will forgive me again. WRONG THINKING.

When I got home I tried to call an old minister of mine who told me to call her a while ago on what was bothering me. She didn't answer and I think it was b/c God told her not to...hahahaha she just called I will tell her min testimony after writing this. So I went into the Word. I read from the Message translation bc to me it makes everything plain!

1 Cor 6;14-20 reads:

14-16 God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.

16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

As I read this I cried like you would not believe! Guilt sheer guilt. I cried out to the Father. How dare I? Jesus gave HIS body for me so why can I not give my body to God? Instead I'm ruining it!! Also I recieved the Holy Ghost but was wondering where was He? Why couldn't I hear from Him? The Bible says that I'm His temple and He dwells in me! So how is he going to dwell in me when there are so many other spirits in me!!! CONVICTION RIGHT THERE!!! I cried out to God in sheer conviction asked for forgivness. As I was crying out God said take a shower right now! I cried on my way to the shower and as the water hit my body I felt a cleansing lik you would not believe!!! As I got out I felt new but God said I'm not done with you. Annoint your head with oil and give me the praise. I did just such and I AM FREE.

No more sexual sin for me! It is NOT ok to have sex before marriage! It is a gift to your husband or wife not for any Tom Dick or Derrick!! I'm sitting her wondering why I can't here from GOD and it's because there was no space in HIS temple!!

God wanted me to share this it is extremely intimate to me so please do not judge. I will say this.



Mar 22, 2011

Japan :(

So here I am relaxing in my room thinking everything is all good. I look into some websites and realize posts of people talking about a horrible earthquake on Mainland. I am stationed on Okinawa but we are an island and Mainland is a few thousand miles away. People were on Facebook that I knew were in Tokyo talking about how they lost their husbands and wanted to know if other family members was ok. Tokyo definately felt the wrath but not as much as northern Japan. I soon here of the Tsunami that wiped out almost all of the norther part of Japan. The reality kicked in that this was serious! The earthquake was a 8.9 and truly devestated Japan. On top of this the nucleur power plant is leaking radiation like crazy.

Immediately I think OMG what if Okinwa were to have an earthquake and tsunami of this strength! Our island would be completely wiped us. My selfishness kicks in and I think whew glad it wasn't me. My assitant Pastor spoke on this on Sunday. One of the things he said is what kind of witness were we being for others. In that moment I realized that my relief of my life was devesating to those that lost. There was a story of an older gentleman that went back after the earthquake just to get a photo album of his grandkids and the tsunami hit. They found his body pressed in between two walls with the photo album pressed against his chest.

How selfish I had been. The world does not need my selfishness it needs my prayers. Let us remember that others are hurting. Am I happy God spared me, yes I am, but let me do what's right and Christian and offer a prayer up to those that lost their lives and those that were spared that are struggling to live day to day without a home and clean water.

You are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.With a heavy heart I come to you with a prayer of peace for those that have lost loved ones in these horrible weeks. We know that you love your childrena and continue to cover us with that love. We know that these things were foretold, let us be good examples so that we can be in the right place in our Christian walks because we do not know when our time will come. Bless those who are out there right now helping aid the Japanese people. Give them strength for the things that they might see and strength to continue with the mission. Lord allow the people to remember that you too have lost a Son and know how it feels to lose and you are there experiencing this with us. We love you Lord and we know your will heal all wounds. Send the Holy Spirit to those hurting as a comforter.

This we pray in Jesus name Amen